Words + Him = :)

If you know me (and I think at this juncture, you do), then you are aware that I like throwing gross words into sentences. My friend at work, Janae, HATES the words "spawn" and "offspring." So I try working those babies into any sentence I can. This is Janae, the same girl who is not a toucher or a cuddler. So Lindsay and I, having come from households of like 45 sisters each and are used to being sistery-touch-whores with our fondleriffic homegirls, we like to braid each other's hair between client calls and have pillow fights over our cubicle walls. Or maybe just sit uncomfortably close in the back seat of the car on the way to Crown Burger, and try leaning a head on Janae's shoulder (bonus points if she's in the middle with her feet on the hump and is flanked by our molesterish selves). Either way, it irks Janae and it's SO much fun.

Aside from doing it on purpose to make Janae cringe, I like to say "offspring" because it was one of Reboyfriend's words. He would use it earnestly each and every time he talked about having bebbies together. Like, he mentioned this on our first dinner in 2008. Before appetizers came out.

He brought it up once at 11:11 in the tradition our generation made famously annoying.

Me: MAKE A WISH!
Him: OK. Done.
Me: That was fast. You obviously didn't make one.
Him: Yes I did.
Me: No...
Him: I DID.
Me:  What did you wish for?
Him: A boy.

So much for my hope that he had wished for the same thing and we'd be all "one-in-thought" and on the same team with our hopes and dreams, cuz my wish was that our offer on the house by the SkyPark would finally go through. I suppose we should be careful about telling our wishes, because as it turned out, neither of those wishes came true for us.

A boy. Yeah, that was humbling. What the hell kind of trucker talks like that? Him. HE does.

He went on to remind me how much he wanted "offspring." He knew it was a funny word for a redneck small town board bum to use so often, which I think is exactly why he used it. I would roll my eyes, but just like you are right now, I'd turn my head and bite my fist at the cuteness. It was like when the first month or so we were back at it (call "it" what you will)...he started to feel like we were being too homebody-ish. So he said we needed to do more "outings." Outings? He really emphasized that part. So I said "what about ice skating at Gallivan?" And he was all over it. I thought he would think it was too cheesy. Oh no. He wouldn't leave till they basically kicked us out, and then asked if we could go again the next night. Outings. 

Nothing beats the time last July when we were laying on the boat, docked out behind the Duffins' house on the Snake river. It was getting hot, and I was looking at the water thinking it might cool me off.

Me: I wanna jump in. I should do it.
Him: Well I want to. I want to Frolic!

{Swear to God}

Me: Frolic?
Him: FROLIC!

This made perfect sense to both myself and my reboyfriend (who had a sunburn in the shape of a wadded up towel on his chest because someone fell asleep boating that day). So we stood at the front of the boat and held hands and counted to three and then flung ourselves with limbs flailing into the river. We weren't sure if the word frolic meant what it sounded like it should mean, so we made a little extra mid-air noise before hitting water. Just in case. You may bite your OTHER fist now, if his kickass-adorableness is hurting the one you're gnawing on now.

Once in the water, I underwent the mandatory feel-up he felt was necessary any time we were in a pool/hot tub/lake/river/dark room/empty room. I pretended to be appalled, he waited for me to get back on the boat, followed me up, and then we sprawled in the sun until we were all dry again. And anytime anyone ever says frolic, I want to laugh and cry all at once.

And offspring, really. Because he never really got his own, and that's the only thing he really wanted out of life that he didn't get.

Here are some tender-rama moments he had with everyone else's offspring instead. Insert your mental Sally Struthers music here.




Joslyn & Jennifer's boys




Baby E Jane



Jake Jr.





More Jake Jr.




LoLo




His sister Jamie's boys



Jodi & Joslyn's girls




Baby E Jane again, this time looking like she's more into it.





Rallying Joslyn's kids





Meeting my sister Madster





Say uncle, with Jenn's kids

So if you feel that sometimes this blog is just too much about some guy, or that I will someday find someone that makes me JUST as happy, maybe this helps you understand, just a little bit, why it's maybe not, and why I probably won't.