Almost Family

Since Reboyfriend wasn’t a man of many words – like I mentioned in a recent post – some people weren’t offered the luxury of knowing all about our passionate love of teen vampire proportions. Unless, of course, they read my blog. But because I must use expletives on this thing with reckless abandon, it's hard to share with everyone. So his family never got to know me, and only when ReBF mentioned the upcoming family reunion, and sounded completely stunned when I didn't automatically assume I was going along...did they get that chance. It was a trip that changed everything. It was after that trip that he knew I was in it for the long haul, and he I think felt confident enough to approach The Topic head on.

ReBF has always loved his sisters, including Joslyn who lived closest to his home. She (like Kir 2.0), knew how to operate the fickle machine that was ReBF. She knew when to dodge and when to strike in the case of his quirks and social hiccups, and she (like Kir 2.0), did not lose patience with him (not the case with Kir 1.0, who terrorized him for being too groggy for spontaneous DTRs). She and I knew that he was already a pretty perfect version of himself, and that if you loved him (like she and I both did), you just let him be him. You embraced his tardiness, flakiness, stubbornness, and borderline-shady methods of avoiding 1.) ports of entry, 2.) parking citations, and 3.) marriage (circa Him 1.0), (but marvelously upgraded in the wife-seeking version 2.0). He depended on her to be the lifeline to the shore of family when he alienated himself from them. Little did I know, she'd be mine too.

Joslyn's father and two only brothers died three days after she’d had a baby. She was given the job of swimming through the scraps and loose pages in no particular order that comprised Rbf’s business, with an infant in one arm and three other children to watch after. She's a pillar, and it's a little intimidating.

I didn't know this family very well before the accident, but it turns out, I have forged bonds with them since. I went to ReBF's niece's birthday party last night, along with the other Mingo cousins. It wasn't for school friends or church friends, just family. When I got there and saw the small group of kids, I was flooded with realization. I had gone to festival of trees with Joslyn and Shelley. We've all gone out to dinner, or brought in takeout and hung out. Shelley does my hair. I'm slow, but I figured it out. These people are OK keeping me around for me. It's not like they're forced to be polite for their brother's sake.

ReBF's brother in law (Jodi's husband) saw on my Fbook today that I booked my trip to Rio de Janeiro for Carnival. He urged me to be careful, expressing his concern about the dangers there. It was as if he was he brother-in-law he was close to becoming. They don't just include me, they rally me. They check on me. They remember my birthday. They communicate with their mother about it.

Every time I see them, my heart breaks that they can really never be my family. But I've learned that I have, instead, unexpected lifelong friends. It's incredible and humbling and sweet. They have taken the time to know me, to move past that confused stage where they had no idea what was going on with us. I'm able to know that, in a "what if" situation, ReBF would have grown closer to his family as I became one of them. Because I have get-togethers with Shelley now, I know that we'd have done "couple" things with Jordan and Shelley, giving the two brothers opportunities to see each other as much as they wanted to. It breaks my heart and mends it all at once.

Aside from the obvious comfort there, being around the family reminds me that these three men are still real. And if ReBF really is around those he loves, there's no way he wouldn't be there when I'm with his family. Something in my heart feels this. It feels...happy. It's an emotion I forgot about.

I'm not certain of much, but I'm certain that love is immortal. The truest of it is impossible to destroy or kill or bury, no matter what act of God finds its way to you. In my faith tradition (LDS), doctrine projects this truth into an assertion that families are eternal. If I really do have the chance to be with ReBF again, essentially, these people I've come to adore would be my family at that time. I'm not the dogmatic type, and I always interpret that kind of doctrine very gently. But sometimes, even if that's not exactly how it really works...it makes me feel just a little bit better.

I am so lucky. You guys, read your comments. Look at you. I read them, cowering before them wondering "What did I do so right to deserve this?" My support system, it is iron-clad, made of stone. I have friends that are true, and they are visciously, fiercely loyal. (that's you). I have seriously questioned why I would go on living. It's because I am probably supposed to be here. (I'm eating pizza at 10 o'clock at night, I'm going to Brazil with old college friends, I'm going to BlogHer, and my cousin MM just held up an iPhone to me and announced, "it's LOADING.") (Um, she's barely 3). It's a pretty damn charmed life.

Someone's been praying for me.