This was nothing special - just a regular autumny Friday night, where I had invitations from nice friends to go out and play in the SLC nightlife with them, like old times, you know, when I was Kirsten. The old Kirsten kicked so much ass but the new me? Only kicks minimal ass. If any ass at all.
Instead of being old me, I be Kirsten 2.0, where I obsessively look at my big long to-do list. You know, the spreadsheet that ruins the enjoyability of anything that is not on it? It is not unlike homework in college. It's not like you could ever be done with it, no matter how much you studied. That it the point - really, it's what you REALLY learn in college: that to-do lists are never complete. It prepares us for careers in project management, like mine. So your brain punishes itself for doing anything else. And my to-do list is how I ended up running errands tonight. But loser errands. Make no mistake about that part.
Errand on Friday night that is to IKEA: -1 points
Errand on Friday night that is to Walmart for photo prints: -1 points
Having Walmart ninja status (i.e. knowing on my own what time the photo counter at Walmart closes so I can work my IKEA time around that): -3 points.
(And according to the intercom announcement, we all needed to make it snappy with our side-swiveling carts as IKEA was closing early for some stupid party. You read it right. Even IKEA had plans tonight.)
IKEA as if it were a person, actually being cooler than me: -4 points
Picture order supposed to take an hour, ME only needing 20 minutes to round up Grape Amp and Scentsy knockoffs, so I return 40 minutes early to annoyed photo counter man: -2 points (just from reading his facial expression)
Chinese food for dinner that I take back to the empty house: -1 points
It's not even real Chinese takeout, it's Panda Express: -2 points
Friends on DVD and stack of magazines: -1 points
Magazines are from 2008: -1 points
Magazines were retrieved from Meems' discard pile when I came to stay here: -3 points
Host family comes home with sleeping baby, and I smoothly attempt to use remote control to turn down volume while they put her in bed, and WAY fail at it: -1 points
Aforementioned fail involved spastic thumb hitting CHANNEL down, not VOLUME down, and therefore switched my Friends DVD to Dr. Phil (and why wouldn't it?), so it looked like THAT is what I was watching on Friday night with my face in lo mein: -17 points
Actually ate the Chinese food: +10 points. Probably would have been better if any of it included vegetables, but food intake is food intake. Judge rules? Positive point count.
Crossed off a couple things on that motherloving list: +100 points.
Instead of being old me, I be Kirsten 2.0, where I obsessively look at my big long to-do list. You know, the spreadsheet that ruins the enjoyability of anything that is not on it? It is not unlike homework in college. It's not like you could ever be done with it, no matter how much you studied. That it the point - really, it's what you REALLY learn in college: that to-do lists are never complete. It prepares us for careers in project management, like mine. So your brain punishes itself for doing anything else. And my to-do list is how I ended up running errands tonight. But loser errands. Make no mistake about that part.
Errand on Friday night that is to IKEA: -1 points
Errand on Friday night that is to Walmart for photo prints: -1 points
Having Walmart ninja status (i.e. knowing on my own what time the photo counter at Walmart closes so I can work my IKEA time around that): -3 points.
(And according to the intercom announcement, we all needed to make it snappy with our side-swiveling carts as IKEA was closing early for some stupid party. You read it right. Even IKEA had plans tonight.)
IKEA as if it were a person, actually being cooler than me: -4 points
Picture order supposed to take an hour, ME only needing 20 minutes to round up Grape Amp and Scentsy knockoffs, so I return 40 minutes early to annoyed photo counter man: -2 points (just from reading his facial expression)
Chinese food for dinner that I take back to the empty house: -1 points
It's not even real Chinese takeout, it's Panda Express: -2 points
Friends on DVD and stack of magazines: -1 points
Magazines are from 2008: -1 points
Magazines were retrieved from Meems' discard pile when I came to stay here: -3 points
Host family comes home with sleeping baby, and I smoothly attempt to use remote control to turn down volume while they put her in bed, and WAY fail at it: -1 points
Aforementioned fail involved spastic thumb hitting CHANNEL down, not VOLUME down, and therefore switched my Friends DVD to Dr. Phil (and why wouldn't it?), so it looked like THAT is what I was watching on Friday night with my face in lo mein: -17 points
Actually ate the Chinese food: +10 points. Probably would have been better if any of it included vegetables, but food intake is food intake. Judge rules? Positive point count.
Crossed off a couple things on that motherloving list: +100 points.
I am win. To-do lists can eat me! Tomorrow's to-do list at work? I'm looking at you. (Clients rejoice).
LOL, "Kirsten 2.0". What was the previous version? Do you have a change log?
ReplyDeleteDelightful to read, ALWAYS, delightful.
I don't know what you're talking about with the kicking of minimal ass. You kick MAJOR ass, girl, just for keepin' on with the keepin' on. And even when I was single, your Friday night was like all of my Friday nights, and Saturday nights, too, for that matter. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteIm still in my pjs.. -3 joys of working from home..
ReplyDeleteI followed up on two insurance plans that I cant get approved +1
got the kids to school+2
and now im going to go find those big cupcakes at walmart -3
fergot bout the diet thing -4
And im feeling sorry for myself today cuz the big trucker guys are mean -10
Keep your head up...
hugs
So how big a loser am I that I would rate a Friday night at Ikea a +4? Because I totally would. My Friday night usually consist of doing laundry, which is not unlike your to do lists because it is never EVER done. Even if I can manage to clear every single basket and hamper, I know what I am wearing is now technically dirty so I'm not "done" with the laundry.
ReplyDeleteHave I ever been tempted to shut the blinds, strip everyone naked, and wash and put away the clothes so I can REALLY be done for an hour? Yes. Yes I have.
-1703 for being that desperate to experience "laundry -- CHECK"
Dear Vegetables,
ReplyDeleteI miss you. Sure, I eat vile carrots nearly every day. But you, vile carrots, do not count. You're like sugar. Especially with the amount of ranch sauce I dip you in. MMMMMMM, ranch sauce. *Homer Simpson drool*
In summary, I need more ranch sauce in my life.
Love,
Katie
PS Me not knowing what scentsy is since every other person seems to: -5.
[I am singing this but lucky for you you can't actually hear me)
ReplyDeleteJust keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.
And Happy Birthday to you as well (something else you don't want to hear me sing)
ReplyDeleteAt least you weren't home drinking by yourself, which was pretty much my entire summer. -1,000 points
ReplyDeleteBut it's a new year!!!
Happy birthday!!!
Bubba, this blog is probably the best I can do in terms of a change log. Sorry.
ReplyDeletePooh - I really think my Friday nights kick ass, just in my little world at least. Maybe others wouldn't enjoy it. Glad you see the wonderfulness of it!
Erin - I hear that, I hear it all! Well except the trucker guys aren't mean to me. I'm off limits in their little world, kinda have to be nice to the Mingo's woman now! Sorry about that. But yay for working at home!
Nicole, I don't have kids, but I'd be lying if I said I'd never sat and pondered ways to get my laundry alldone, even if it meant getting nekkid to do it ALL. You are not alone, sister.
Katie - you get a million points for not knowing what scentsy is! How you got through life untouched by it, is a miracle! I do love my scentsy, but only because I have to cover up food smells because they gross me out when I'm not hungry. I'm a freak.
Lisa - PERFECTION!
Darren D - OK I guess you get those points, I'll let you have them. But don't think I wouldn't love a day like that once in awhile. Trade ya.