Guns In The Air

Why do I make fun of putting song lyrics in one's Fbook status but then do it on my blog posts? Because I'm a parade of double standards, that's why; sue me. Oh and I'm supposed to be packing for a 4 day getaway to nuptial fest 2010. Have I started? Yeah, started CRYING. Just kidding. But I'm not kidding about how unprepared I am. I still have to pick at my face, read old journals, fall asleep briefly, wake back up and wonder how late the Fresh[rapist]Market is open for Redbull runs...then get started counting how many underwears (I use it as a plural word and spare you from having to read the word p*nties blergffhrfhgh shudder) I should pack and then look at my phone for the time (frown at complete absence of text messages from witty friends at 3:30 a.m.) and then see that it's 3:30 a.m. and remember that, SHIT, I have to be in the office in like 180 minutes. (gasping after superlong sentence).

So here's to procrastinating like there's no tomorrow (which would save my butt, right?)

That said....I'm really excited for this wedding. Couldn't happen to a sweeter couple.

That's really all. I was briefly tempted to launch into one of my really long, sad blogvoms about missing Rbf. Which my aching joints and skin and hair and eyeballs and fingers tell me I still ravenously do. I told my friend Audra the other day that I miss him so much that I literally don't even see in color sometimes. I stare into the dull monochrome frame of jedlessness that this world has become. And don't think nine months gets you any more accepting of it...you just get more used to it being lived in shades of gray and nothing more.

But I won't...Instead I'll think if Rihanna's song about being a gangsta for life, which I totally relate to (it's called G4L. Let's use that in more sentences). Because I will cut a bitch. My office is in West Valley, and I feel that having to pump my gas in those hoods makes me way more street than the pansies who live in my building downtown. Ever felt like you were "in something" for life? In a way that makes you look stupid, dramatic, and extreme? I have. Like bangers fake-limping {for coolness, not sympathy} through the streets waving guns in the air to demonstrate attitude and fierceness. I know exactly what they mean. It's been nearly 10 months that I've had to miss him like this. And if I still feel this way, I probably always will. Blogs in the air. I'll just say that I really wish he were here for this.