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One night in St. George, Utah, in the Summer of 2001, my roommates were all out of town. My boyfriend was a BYU student who owned a trucking business that he ran during the summertime, hauling crude oil and asphalt byproducts in tankers through the western United States to pay his tuition. He called from a refinery in rural Wyoming one night to say hi, and that he missed me.

That night, as I slept alone in the condo, my dream about whatever became a dream about him. It was like he had suddenly taken over the dream. I woke up in the middle of the night in the middle of that dream, kissing him.

And instead of dreaming it, I was kissing the real him He had been watching me sleep, he was there.

He'd had several stops and loads before this, so he'd literally driven for 48 hours straight, sustained on "Truckers Luv It" capsules and willpower until he got to my St. George condo, planning to surprise me when I thought I wouldn't see him for weeks. And when he got there, even as tired as he was, he sat and watched me sleep for a while before waking me. And the only way he could think to wake me up, was by kissing me. At the time, it was so funny that I'd begun dreaming him when he'd sat down by my bed that night.

Sometimes, I have dreams like that one I had, where I was oblivious to him watching over me. Dreams where it's like the memory of him suddenly interrupts my dream and makes it about him, and he's there. Maybe my dreaming mind has ADD too, and jumps from one topic to the next in no particular order (ice cream parties to the autobahn to him). Or maybe I jolt into dreaming of him, because he's sitting there. Who knows. He always did love watching me sleep. In a cute way, not a creepy way.

I remember at the end of 2008, when my life was in shambles and I was wondering if I'd ever feel normal again, and I was writing these silly blog posts full of hope, and I was basking in the innocence of having no idea what was actually waiting to hit me...and I posted {this post about what I'd someday feel} about me bewitching him body and soul and never wishing to be parted from me, and stuff. I liked to steal things from Jane Austen's repertoire of romantic calling cards. Those were the days.

And even though today is May 4th and I can't catch my breath, and my heart feels like just plain stopping, and nobody reads this anymore because I can't write it anymore...it's like he's walked in the room and sat down, and wishes I'd just wake up and kiss him. Because today is his birthday, and I wish I could wake up from this like I did that night, and he'd be there waiting for me to come out of this coma, having watched me in it for so long.

Happy happy birthday, Reboyfriend. You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.