Today's quote board: The ever charming Turbotax

Tubotax: Welcome!
Me: Grumble. Please tell me I get money.
TT: We'll see about that...how's your luck been in 2009?
Me: Your mom
T: I see. What's your marital status?
Me: Fail
T: I didn't catch that. Are you:
   a.) Married?
Me: Yeah, um, Common Law?
T: ...or 
   b.) Divorced in 2009?
Me: Close.
T: ...or 
   c.) Widowed?
Me: Common Law widowed?
T: No box for you. 
Me: Regirlfriend
T: Just check the box marked vanilla... I mean single. Did I mention you look fat?
Me: Stop asking me about my marital status. If you have to know, fine. But don't ask me twice. 
T: Then tell me all about your offspring!
Me: {sucking on milkshake}
T: You mean like, you're childless? But your age is 28. 
Me: I am aware of that.
T: OK. {processing}. And you are sure you don't have ANY dependents?
Me: Positive.
T: Fine. What did you pay on interest on that house you and your not husband were buying?
Me: Let's talk about how much money I didn't make.
T: I'm saving that for last, hold your horses. Why don't you tell me about your address? Do you even have one?
Me: It's a PO Box.
T: Ew, like, your stuff is in storage?
Me: Yes.
T: Hold on, I'm telling my friends about you.


And then rather than taking its foot out of its mouth, Turbotax just takes your money.