This is difficult for me to watch. I find myself saying to a stupid computer screen, please Jed, please come back.
He won't. So I have this, and little else, to go to if I want to see him or hear his voice. His little -isms. His inflection and mannerisms. Watch him, and see why I adore him so much. (In case there was any doubt why).
It really IS possible to get butterflies about someone you've known for nine years.
He won't. So I have this, and little else, to go to if I want to see him or hear his voice. His little -isms. His inflection and mannerisms. Watch him, and see why I adore him so much. (In case there was any doubt why).
It really IS possible to get butterflies about someone you've known for nine years.
This one was longer and more boring, but showed more of why they called him the McGyver of Truck Drivers.
He radiates goodness.
ReplyDeleteThat's a totally LDS thing to say. But he does.
ReplyDeleteHe was an amazing man.
ReplyDeleteI realized a few weeks ago that I have very few pictures, and no video to remember my husband by. I think it's time that I capture more of him. I'm glad you can remember Jed by this.
That first time I met him... You and I were sitting in Beans secretely writing about our true loves. I saw hunkish walking across the parking lot with that Jed smile and I knew he was yours.
ReplyDeleteHe has a swaggar that said that he was comfortable with himself, but without any arrogance. He did not know that everyone was compelled to watch him as he looked twice across the parking lot and set his foot on the step into the shop.
He took my breath away. I imagine it was hard for you to ever catch yours when he was within a mile of you.
He was the guy that looked everyone in the eye when he talked to them. That day, he wasn't distracted... he actually cared about what I was saying. Genuine. He cared about what was important to his Kir, and that day it was me.
Keep every sound bite you can find. Keep every voicemail you have. Keep every email, letter, post-it and nasty message he left on your mirror in lipstick. You will cherish those tiny things forever.
His voice will resonate to your bones as long as there is marrow within them. Kirsten, he loves you, still. Do not ever forget him.
You'll find yourself yearning for the pain you are now feeling just to have some part of him back. It will fade, but the joy will grow in its stead. You will love again, believe me, because he will urge you to grow yourself and share yourself and love yourself even more than he did.
He is not gone. Listen for him, feel him. Smell him. You will pray and plead to him and one day, far along the road; you will find that he has told you all you need to know to begin again.
My dear, sweet friend. Know that it will get better. I promise you. Because you love him, you will always have him.
I love you,
Kelly
Kirst, he is super cute. I know I remember seeing him around Raintree when I lived there. I keep thinking about Jed's family. How sad for the family to lose all three of them. And Jordan has such a young family and his kids are still so small! This whole thing seriously breaks my heart! As horrible as this all is, just rembember how blessed you have been because while he was here he got to be a part of your life!
ReplyDeleteYou haven't left my thoughts since Monday when I found out Jed's plane was missing. Tammy posted a really cool poem yesterday on her blog that if you get a chance you should look at. I think it is so true. Michelle and I have had a bunch of phone calls about what we can do and how we are hear broken for you. Love you, nat
ReplyDeleteKirsten,
ReplyDeleteI wish I would have met him in person, but I didn't need to meet him to know that he was wonderful. It was always written in your smile. I know he made you happier than you have ever been and my heart aches for your loss. He will always be with you in your memories and in your heart.
Please know you are loved and supported by so many people. We are all here for you.
Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteThis is Kelly's sister writing. We've never met, but I have been inspired by your bold, honest writing and evolved mind. Thank you for many good reads.
I am so, so sorry about Jed. Sounds hollow compared to what Kelly wrote, but know that I am aching for you and hoping that, somehow, my aching relieves some of yours.
God bless you and Jed, your family and his.
For what it's worth, I believe you can do this.
Lovingly,
Rebecca
Kir.. I love you so much and I want you to know that our entire family is here for you. Maybe you could talk to my mom since she lost Dave.. You and his family are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteKirsten. Oh my. I cannot imagine the feelings and emotions you are struggling with and forced to face right now. You are strong. You are an independent woman and I really respect so many qualities about you. What a great guy Jed was. You know that and through you, I know that! You never stopped loving him...and you don't ever have to. My heart is breaking for you and I hope and pray that time will heal your pain. Get down on your knees, I promise HE did not pay the ultimate price for nothing. I love ya and you are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteto steal what natelli said, i am broken for you too. i wish i could make this better for you.
ReplyDeleteif you ever need anything, let me know. i could be a deranged nutter for all you know (since we are just e-friends,) but i am a deranged nutter who is totally hurting for you.
I am a friend of Marianne's, and I only met you a few times when you were much younger, but my wife and I just finished reading through your posts and watching the clips here and just wanted to let you know our thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew what to say. Nothing covers it, and silence online doesn't come across well. (In person, maybe you could see the shared pain, the caring, the loss at, well, everything... See *something* in my eyes that said I care, without me having to try to SAY something that I know won't even come close to touching it). Silence could be at least be respectful, instead of being so blogging empty.
ReplyDeleteI'm soooo sorry.
Teresa and I had a long talk about nothing in particular. We held each other, and even that made us sad, knowing that wasn't an option for you, and reeling at the sheer amount of loss. But dammit, somewhere, someway, somebody needs to step up and put some happiness back out there in the world. We (the rest of us) have to make up for what's missing, now, and we sure as hell can't do that by being sad. Jed wasn't a sad guy.
You? Be as sad as you need to. Hurt as much as you need to. Know that the rest of us love you, and we'll pull the additional weight in trying to make up for a loss that can't be made up, until you can (someday) find a way to be as happy as you can be. The world is an emptier place now. Hopefully this loss will quietly make the rest of us be better people than we might have been, in trying, at least, to replace something irreplaceable. That's something. I know it isn't enough. But it's something. You have my promise, to be a better person, a happier person, a livelier person, a better boyfriend, a better pilot. I know it isn't enough, but its something. For a long time, NOTHING will be enough. But hang onto your 'somethings' for dear life. They will somehow get you through.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Time for some of that respectful silence.
**Teresa's Mindspring Re(formed)-Boyfriend, Jeremy
I don't even know what to say. I don't know you and I don't know Jed. But reading this I cried like a baby. You are, from this day on, going to be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI read through past posts of yours and you seem like such an amazing person! Keep it up and you will make it through this, I promise. God has a plan for everyone!!
Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteI just got around to checking blogs and read this. I can't even imagine the heartache you are experiencing right now. I know that you have loved him since back in the day which makes this all the much harder I am sure. Jed was a terrific guy and I know that he will be greatly missed.
I don't know you, nor have ever commented before but now I feel inclined to let you know how deeply saddened I am by the news of your boyfriend as his family. I saw the story on the TV news here in Cali and was immediately heart broken and teary eyed when I heard one of the men had 3 young children. I was even more shocked and saddened when I found more about this story on your site. Thank you for sharing your everything with us! You and Jed's family are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. That's all, just so very sorry.
ReplyDeletePlease call the National Transportation Safety Board with regards to information about this accident.
ReplyDelete208.344.5606
My heart is so sad for you right now.
ReplyDeleteKirsten - I have been thinking of you and Jed's family every day since I heard his plane was missing. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and praying for you constantly.
ReplyDeletemichelle
(mushbelly)
Thank you for sharing this. For those of us that didn't know him, it's a wonderful way to see the person he is.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you have this video. I read what Kelly wrote and was very touched by her advice to you. I made a video of my dad several days before he died, and for a year it was so painful to watch, but now watching it brings me comfort. I hope this video does that for you too.